To be a Successful Human
- Dr. Sharon Rudy
- May 21
- 2 min read
"If only it were all so simple! If only there were evil person somewhere insidiously commiting evil deeds, and it was necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?"
Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
(The Gulag Archipelago)
Years ago, I had the privilege of spending a summer in Hawaii as a Fellow at the East West Center, diving into cross-cultural communication under the guidance of Dr. Richard Brislin. Dr. Brislin co-authored InterCultural Interactions: A Practical Guide (1986, Sage), where he and his colleagues analyzed 100 critical cross-cultural incidents, identifying Five key bases of cultural differences: Categorization, Differentiation, Ingroup-Outgroup Distinction, Learning styles, and Attribution.
When I asked him which of these was the most critical, he didn’t hesitate: “ingroup-outgroup distinction —our deeply ingrained tendency to divide the world into “us” and “them.” He explained, “Ingroups refer to people with whom interaction is sought. Outgroup members are held at a distance and are often targets of rejection.”
“The more we ”other” people, the less we see ourselves in them. The less we care. It becomes easier to dismiss their experiences, their humanity—even their suffering. This tendency is universal, but recognizing it is the first step to countering it. Once we’re aware, we can be more vigilant and intentional in resisting the urge to “other.”
I’ll admit it: I love making snarky comments on TikTok, especially when I come across something like the “Your Body, Our Choice” celebrations. My anger and grief feel justified. But here’s the hard truth—I don’t get to let those feelings create permission to “other” those who “other” me. The work is to stay grounded, to acknowledge the pain, but to resist the seductive pull of division. The more we see the common thread of humanity, the more we can hold ourselves—and each other—with compassion. We'll need to keep our heads and guard our hearts as we negotiate the next few years of our professional lives.
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